Masturbation - Techniques and Tips for Men and Women

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Information about male and female masturbation including techniques, tips, methods, mutual masturbation, how to masturbate, toys and other topics. Pictures included.

What is Masturbation?

When an orgasm is produced by manual stimulation of the genitals it is called masturbation. Masturbation is one of the first primal forms of sexual behavior usually experienced when very young.

Masturbation was considered a sin in the late 1800's and the early part of the last century. Before the 1960s, excessive masturbation was considered a mental condition, fixating on immature or undesirable behavior, leading to lack of adult responses.

In today's current sexual climate, where people are discovering themselves as well as each other masturbation can be an important and pleasurable activity for people, no matter whether you are in a short or long term sexual relationship. Often it can add more happiness and sensuality to your whole sexual dimension.

In this time of sexual disease people who are single continue to have normal sex drives. The safest, easiest sexual relief and pleasurable satisfaction available to us can be masturbation. In fact, masturbation is the safest form of sex there is.

Warning: It is not safe to experiment by masturbating with a vacuum cleaner. This is extremely dangerous and not to be recommended.

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Do all Men Masturbate?

Masturbation is a natural part of life to most men. Nearly all males masturbate though some more frequently than others. The vast majority of men have masturbated since a young age. A male child discovers that his penis feels good as a relatively young baby. By the age of 14 most boys discover that masturbation leads to orgasm and ejaculation.

In certain religions men, mostly from eastern cultures, try to avoid masturbating, believing it depletes their energy. Some men may not want to do it because they are hung up on the whole sexual condition, or if they have a low libido.

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Male Masturbation Picture (Image credit: Minou)How do Men Masturbate?

There are lots of methods for masturbation. It is a personal thing to find what suits you best and is most effective.

 

  • The simplest technique is to begin by simply squeezing the penis, until the penis becomes semi-erect and then stroking from the tip to the base of the penis.
  • Another common method is to begin by slowly rubbing the penis building up to a more vigorous movement. You may like to grasp the shaft of your penis wrapping your whole hand round it.
  • Others may want to hold or grasp their penis between their thumb and first or middle finger. If you are uncircumcised, you can draw the foreskin over the head of the penis and then pull it back down the shaft to get an erection.
  • If you are circumcised, repeated squeezing round the shaft and letting go is usually effective. Try holding off ejaculation by varying the stroke when you become too excited, before finally letting go in orgasm.

Some men like additional stimulation:

  • All the genital area, groin, penis, scrotum gradually becomes more sensitive to the touch.
  • Many men enjoy gently pressing on and massaging the scrotum.
  • The male nipples are very sensitive to stimulation.
  • Some men enjoy fondling their testicles.
  • Some enjoy penetrating the anus with a finger.

A good way of finding out exactly how your genitals respond to stimulation is by soaping and gentle massage in the bath, allowing yourself to fantasize as you do so.

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What To Do?

  • Some men prefer to lie down on a bed to masturbate
  • If the underside of the penis rubs against the bed you may be more stimulated
  • Most men prefer to masturbate using a lubricant as they find it more pleasurable. KY gel, a clear, water based gel, is suitable as it does not contain oils which destroy condoms.

There are many different strokes you can use on the penis. Sexual devices, such as vibrators, a shower tub jet may be employed during masturbation if desired. A tub jet stimulates the penis much like having a giant vacuum cleaner sucking the semen out of the body. Some men have sexual fetishes, such as using articles of clothing or dressing up in women's clothing, pornography, internet etc., while masturbating.

Some men may still like to masturbate even when they are involved with a partner and have a satisfying relationship. This can become a problem that is difficult to face as it is often hard to talk about with a partner. Sometimes the partner might misinterpret the masturbation as a form of rejection. However, if the problem can be resolved, often mutual masturbation can become a part of normal sexual practice. Masturbating in front of the woman he loves, can be thought of as an expression of love, not rejection, and can be a highly erotic and loving activity for both partners.

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Can you do it too much?

It is almost impossible to do this even though some young boys worry that they masturbate too much. When a teenager first discovers sex it seems wonderful to masturbate several times a day over a period of time. Other boys masturbate less, but that is normal for them. Everyone is different. If it became totally excessive 24 hours of the day there may be reason for concern. It is still possible to masturbate several times a week for some men in their 70s and 80s. Generally, however, men masturbate more in their teens, gradually lessening with age.

Unattached single men, and gay men, of course, tend to masturbate more frequently than married men. For gay men in a relationship, mutual masturbation is often a primary sexual outlet.

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What About Masturbation and Pornography?

Almost all men will have at some point in their lives masturbated while looking at X-rated magazines or sexy videos. This would be considered quite a normal activity for a single guy.

Masturbation using pornography is an issue to be worked out between each other if you and your partner are in a committed relationship. Some female partners often find it hard to accept this sort of activity and may feel rejected and threatened by it.

The relationship is usually in some trouble and ceases to be normal when a man prefers this kind of sexual indulgence to having sex with his partner. These type of men may use pornography more and more for relief rather than face up to the problems in their sexual relationship. Help and counseling is advised if the man wants to save his relationship but is dependent on pornography for sexual satisfaction.

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What about Masturbation and the Internet?

With the coming of the Internet a whole new area of sexuality has come into play, with men masturbating to images on the Internet or masturbating on a cam recorder for the world to see.

If the activity involves masturbating and reaching orgasm while 'chatting' on the internet to another person using a keyboard, then the activity goes beyond simple masturbation. It is often seen as an act of infidelity if the people in question are married or committed to a serious sexual relationship.

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Can Male Masturbation be Useful in helping with Sex Problems?

One of the commonest sex problems men experience is premature ejaculation (PE), which is where the man ejaculates too quickly when he has sex with a partner. Premature ejaculation can be helped to some extent by masturbating. Although PE usually requires specialist help some men are able to help themselves by gaining more control over their climaxes while masturbating.

The man has to practice beginning to masturbate and allowing himself to get almost to the point of ejaculation, then stopping and calming down before carrying on. Do this several times before giving in and having an orgasm and it may help develop the necessary control needed to delay his orgasm during intercourse. This stop-start technique should be practiced on a regular basis.

Ejaculatory incompetence (retarded ejaculation) is the other common male sex problem that can be sometimes helped by masturbating. With this condition a man can maintain an erection for a long time during sex, but cannot relax enough to let go and climax inside his partner. As many men with this condition are quite uptight about sex, they need to learn to masturbate with their partner as this can help them immensely. If a man has difficulty doing this he can start by masturbating in the next room to his partner. After a week or so try to do it in the same room. Eventually he should be able to masturbate right beside her, so close to her that he can place his penis into her vagina.

Men who can masturbate for 15-20 minutes without ejaculating are less likely to suffer from problems of premature ejaculation during intercourse.

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Do Women Masturbate?

Masturbation is a natural and healthy method of sexual release engaged in by most people of both sexes. At an early age many girls discover pleasant feelings from stimulating their genitals and discover how to masturbate to orgasm in their mid to late teens or even earlier. Girls do not necessarily have the same feelings as young boys who find masturbation a more natural thing. Many girls and young women do not feel strong sexual urges. Sometimes it may take the girl many years before she reaches an orgasm (19-20). Some females may not reach one for years after that or not at all, with or withou masturbating. Some women find sexual liberation in their 40's.

Masturbation can be a wonderful way to educate oneself about the body and sexual responses. If women can reach orgasm by masturbating they are more likely to have orgasms with their partners.

Female masturbation (Image credit: Another Sex Tutorial)

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What are Some Methods of Female Masturbation?

Stimulating the clitoris is the usual method of masturbation.

  • Stroke yourself gently with your fingers or an object such as a vibrator and find out where and how you like to be stimulated.
  • The clitoris may be stimulated in little circular motions with the index or middle finger.
  • Begin by touching just above or below the clitoris until totally aroused when more intense stimulation right on top of the clitoris can be sustained.
  • If you find the clitoris too sensitive for direct stimulation, try rubbing the whole vulva, gradually moving inside.
  • Keep stimulating yourself so the sensations will not fade. The clitoris becomes more and more sensitive until you experience waves of vaginal contractions which is the orgasm.

Some women like:

  • to lie on their back
  • to lie on their front
  • their legs pressed tightly together
  • their legs spread wide apart
  • their legs propped up above the body.

Some women can orgasm:

  • by simply rubbing their nipples
  • by squeezing their thighs together
  • with 'something' in the vagina at the same time, such as two or three fingers of her other hand or a sex aid

Women nowadays enjoy using a vibrator some or all of the time. A vibrator can be used to stimulate the clitoris or used in the vagina. Solo pleasure is a very personal thing, experiment until you find what you like best. There are many good sex aids from reputable companies or shops these days.

Every person has different reactions as they begin to orgasm.

  • Some women's nipples get hard when excited or having an orgasm
  • Some might flush red or begin to tremble
  • Tension in the vaginal area and a buildup of warmth can also preclude orgasm

Caution: Using fruit/vegetables (especially unwashed) or other foreign items may introduce infection into the vagina. Never use anything breakable like glass or sharp objects for obvious reasons. An electric toothbrush in the vagina causes damage to delicate tissues of the vagina and should be avoided.

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Is Masturbation Necessary To Achieve Orgasm?

Because female orgasm in not as as automatic as the male orgasm, generally, many women do need masturbation to reach orgasm. Learning to orgasm through masturbation gives a woman confidence and satisfaction as she knows where and how she likes to be touched and stimulated. Once she knows these things, she can communicate them to a loving partner. Women can, however, orgasm without masturbation with a partner during love play or intercourse.

Often due to restrictive or oppressive upbringings some females have a real problem in touching their genitals. Many women consult psychosexual specialists, or family planning doctors with many sexual problems and ideas instilled in them such as:

  • 'nice girls don't touch themselves there'
  • Sex is for beasts'
  • Sex is dirty'
  • etc

These problems can be helped if a woman is prepared to give time and effort to learn about her own body or if she has a supportive caring partner.

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How do you achieve orgasm through masturbation?

  • At least twice a week allocate an hour or so to yourself when you can be alone and not be disturbed.
  • Take your time having a relaxing bath using your favorite Aromatherapy bath oil (relaxing aphrodisiac oils such as Ylang-Ylang [2 drops], Sandalwood [5 drops], Jasmine Oil [2 drops]}. Relax, enjoy soaping your whole body giving your breasts and genitals lots of focus (do not put soap inside the vagina) .
  • Dry yourself slowly, lovingly, tenderly with great care and attention, continuing to focus on your breasts, genitals and body.
  • Make sure your bedroom is warm and inviting and you feel good spending time there. If you like music put on a CD that makes you feel sexy and sensual.
  • Lie on the bed and touch yourself however you want. Explore the areas of your body that give you pleasant feelings. There are lots of interesting areas that can do this. Experience fully the pleasure. Some people like to put a firm pillow under their hips.
  • Massage your breasts, neck and throat with an appropriate oil. Experience fully the pleasure.
  • Caress your abdomen (belly area) using your sensual oil, gradually touching yourself between your legs. You will find the way to touch yourself that best agrees with you. There is no wrong or right way, relax and let your own sense of how and what to do take over. Experience fully the pleasure.
  • Slowly put your fingers into your vagina, tightening your vaginal muscles around them. Gently stretch the vaginal opening. If you relax this can give you exquisite pleasure.
  • Slowly stimulate your clitoris, very gently at first, then applying more and more pressure feeling your breathing quickening. Experience fully the pleasure.
  • Do not be concerned if this is as far as you get the first time or so,. Learning how to love and experience your body is a wonderful and healthy thing.
  • It is important for the mind to be stimulated as well. Think of things and people that turn you on. Some people like to read from an erotic romance novel, others like to view a sexy video. Find whatever suits you and turns you on.
  • Many women find a vibrator very helpful in increasing their arousal. Vibrators are now very easy to obtain from an Online Adult Sex Shop.
  • Each time you start try to keep going for longer, increasing your pleasure and knowledge of your body. If you feel it is wrong to do this, try breathing deeply, maybe applying affirmations to help you: 'It is not wrong to feel sexual pleasure'; 'it is everyone's right to love and enjoy her own body'; 'masturbation is normal and healthy', etc.
  • Eventually, your touch will become more insistent and involuntary, your breathing will be heavier. You do not wish to stop, the feeling becomes urgent. Some people feel frightened at the intensity of the experience, as they have never experience it before. Just relax, enjoy. If you cannot orgasm with just clitoral stimulation, you might want to put one or two fingers into your vagina or use a vibrator. This is a very personal thing, and it is up to you to find what methods give you the most pleasure and success.

Most women like to practice having orgasms a few times on their own before involving a partner, but once you try with the person you care for, make sure you show your partner what you like done and how to do it. It will bring your relationship closer to share the experience.

These points should help you to eventually reach orgasm.

  • Be patient
  • Do not be hard on yourself
  • Relax and enjoy all the experiences
  • You will be more sexually aware and confident in the way you relate sexually

Where do I go for help if I need it?

If you have deeper more specific sexual problems, including how to deal emotionally with sexual issues, you may need professional help. Your health professional may be able to put you in contact with a psychologist dealing with such issues and there are many groups and activities available.

If you have problems with addiction to sex, including pornography, find the closest branch of Sex Addicts Anonymous.

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What about Mutual Masturbation?

Masturbation need not be something that you do only when you are alone. Many people find the sight of their partner masturbating highly erotic. Masturbating with your partner can create closeness with each other. Stimulating each other's genitals is mutual masturbation. Both men and women respond well to pressure and rhythm. A steady, strong stroke will be enough to get the reaction you're looking for.

When it is a male

  • Place him flat on his back on a bed in a well lit room.
  • Take his penis in your hand and really look at it, get to know your partner's penis well.
  • When you first start to touch him, his penis will probably become hard enough for you to be able to fully appreciate those sensitive parts.

Mutual masturbation is an important part of lovemaking, and many women like being masturbated to orgasm before penetration. Be aware at all times to treat each other's genitals with tenderness and sensitivity. Get to know your partner's signs when they are about to orgasm and you will become a more sensitive lover.

Mutual Masturbation pic (image credit: Minou)

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